Archive for January, 2011



Days like today seem to be days that need blogging, so, here we are.

I’d like to tell you a story. It is a story meant mostly for my QoQ. I desperately need this to be understood.

In February or so of 2010, I joined what was sort of an SL-related forum. I’d been blocked from reading the new SL flogs at work and the ‘official forums’ were shutting down and being archived. I spent a while reading this nutty place called Second Citizen and now and then chatting in the forum’s chatbox and essentially just finding somewhere I could comfortably spend my work day avoiding too much work ^.^

There I met Amaranthim Talon. You can’t always tell by looking at her, but she is one of the sweetest, most giving people I have ever known. She told me a story one day about rice and her mom and I actually cried. I knew this was a special person.

Some silly bs happened on those forums and I decided I’d had enough of being there and ‘mara introduced me to the wonders of gmail chat. We spent the days chatting, like, all day. Just passing the time til we could be free of work and off to our virtual lives.

We often chatted about those lives – reading forums, having discussions and sharing our ideas for projects, remarking on relationships… And sometimes, we would vent. We would pick apart those things that frustrated us or make sure we were seeing what we thought we were seeing. We were friends, doing what friends do.

Eventually others joined us in the day long chats. Some more often than others, some only for a moment here and there. And we all continued to do the same. We bounced ideas off each other, talked each other down, supported each other or just generally bsed.

Like friends do. We joked, depending on the number of people, that we were the Triumvirate of Terror, or the Quintet of Quirkiness. Our friendship continued to grow. My number of friends has also grown and we are no longer a quintet.

Recently, I made a group Inworld. I wanted us all to be able to continue inworld if we chose. I couldn’t very well call it the Quintet of Quirkiness, as our number had grown,  but I think QoQ is phonetically delicious, and so I looked up the word quorum to make sure it was the word I thought it was, and the Quorum of Quintessence was born.

It’s a chat group. It’s friends and friendly people who can talk to each other. We’re not an organization, or even a loose affiliation (okay, we have tats and tshirts, an hats, but whatev). We’re rarely even in the ‘physical’ presence of each other, and I’m not sure we’ve ever been together all at once at any point. But these are my friends. I care about these people and I believe they care about me. We talk, we sometimes argue, and we don’t always agree. But we are honest with each other and we support each other.

When I made the group, I made it a closed group. A group where people vent frustration and seek solutions is not somewhere you want just anyone listening in. It is private but it is not so walled as a dictatorship. When I made the group, I made 5 people owners. I am not a leader and the QoQ is not my command. We are individuals and we don’t always see eye to eye and that’s a-ok. These are people I trust to hear me regardless of whether they agree.

Yesterday morning,  I had to make a decision. It was a very sad one, and I hope it is understood by all of the QoQ and the person involved. The nature of the QoQ being one of totally open dialogue in a safe place is in direct conflict with the nature of the person I felt I needed to remove. I hate politics and this was a political decision. I also hate being vague. But this person knows who he is, as does the QoQ and I hope this blog is close enough to owning my own sh** to make the vague thing forgivable.

The nature of this person is that of a fixer. He is an amazing, brilliant person and I feel fortunate to know him, but I made the decision both to protect our safe place and the comfort of the QoQ to keep the dialogue open and to protect him from having to exercise his need to fix.

After the events of the day, I feel that I absolutely made the right decision. Most especially for him, as I realize how closed groups are viewed, regardless of what’s inside them. A person in his position should not be, even innocently, associated too closely with what the QoQ may appear to be.

There is a line – a painfully discovered one – between the QoQ and him that cannot and should not be breached. That was made clear by today’s events. I hope it is clear to everyone involved. There was no malice in my decision, though I’m feeling a quite unexpected disappointment.

I hope he, and the QoQ, can understand and forgive me.

 

 

 

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So, I bought another sim…


On an illness induced impulse, I have recently acquired the Twisted Paradise sim. The name was too perfect not to grab. I have determined that this will be the home of Princess Tormie (that’s me, for those just joining us on our adventures), my sundry (as well as currently non-existent) minions, and those wishing to reside and/or RP in a gothie vampire village.

I’m thinking ‘modern day’ with old gothie builds will be a nice combination.

I have begun building. Earlier in blog I mentioned wanting to do this but only got as far in the pre-building on my opensim region as getting the layout put down (layouts consist of large plywood blocks colored different colors to distinguish their identity).

Having the layout in mind due to my aforementioned meticulous planning, I have started what will be a central location. A large gothie church with cool tower that will serve as a base of operations for someone *coughprincesscough*.

Below you will see what sort of resembles the beginning of a wicked gothie church. I promise the rainbow will not be a feature of the finished product. The framework consists of some neato columns I made in blender (and will likely replace with regular prims), the windows are 7 prim wonders combining regular and sculpted prims. I am really rather proud of these.

I will probably delete some of the windows or make the building slightly smaller as, though I like the spaciousness of it, it’s really rather more space than is required and making it gothie churchy looking so far has cost over 400 prims. I think I can do better, and while I’m not obsessively concerned with prim count, if I want this to be the village I envision, I am going to have to watch myself.

Oh, and yea, I often build nekkid. \o/

 


Am showing off my furniture as a thank you to Meis Daligdig at KJ Designs. I loooove this set. Love victorian-ish furnitures and this Queen Anne set matches the colors in my little castle perfectly.

Meis gives good customer service. I had a bit of trouble with the set I bought initially. Communication was prompt and friendly and my problem was rectified quickly. See image for furniture porn 😀

Couch, chair and loveseat from KJ Designs, Inworldz.

 

Believe it or not –


Vicky Green, the months long, hair tearing, texturing nightmare of a house is complete.

I said it. It’s done! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

There’s stairs and doors and roofs and it’s even ON THE GROUND!

I kind of have to say it again, so bear with me. IT’S DONE. Whew, okay! Here’s some pics ^.^

Quite a difference from where she started.

 


I do! I do! And now I can. I am all set for the apocalypse or a busy day at IDI in this full outfit ‘Drifter’ by JTL Designs.

Hell yea, I’m a badass, today. \o/

For your listening pleasure, ’cause the song is totally stuck in my head, Stroke 9:


A long while back I said ‘some women are Mona Lisa, I’m fingerpaints’. I wasn’t wrong, but for a little while I stopped believing that.

For a little while I felt amazing and worthy and so very loved.

It was all bullshit, of course.

One disagreement and some frustration has led to unveiling, all over again, this truth. I am grieving a relationship that was never real. I am kicking myself for forgetting that, ultimately, I am alone. I’m hoping I’ve finally learned this lesson.

I don’t forget that I have my amazing friends and my work, but I don’t think The Ache™  is going to go away any time soon.

I am resolved to relearning how to put it in the box. I am resolved to figuring out, again, how to live with it there, lurking and watching and ready to steal the joys I am able to find, even if I know I don’t deserve them.

I am resolved to not be an idiot and I won’t think, for one second, that I will ever have what I’m looking for. It doesn’t exist.

 

 


I had a plan. I was sure I knew what the new year would bring. Silly me.

Things sure can change quicker than a blink, can’t they?

Tonight I will just say goodbye to the old year and focus on the good things, of which there were many. I will mourn the loss of some of those things.

But, I will greet the new year without expectation. I will let it be what it will be and not saddle it with thoughts of what it should be.

I don’t know when the next update will be but I sincerely hope it finds you all happy and well.

Happy New Year